Viva la Resolution!
I have acquired a list of Windsor’s New Year’s Resolutions. What you are about to read is a top secret document, obtained illegally, Watergate style, with a few accomplices whom I will name later in a tell-all book that I will sell after a sufficient amount of “buzz” has been created.
If anyone asks, you never read this.
“My New Year’s Resolutions” by C.O. Windsor
1. Build more roads.
2. Build more canals.
3. Build a large Center for Focus Groups, to make life easier for the parade of groups I plan on hosting in the very near future.
4. Have feasibility studies that study the following:
- The best way to make French toast
- The best time of day to take a nap
- The best coffee table book to have that will create good party conversation, but will not be controversial as to make my guests uncomfortable.
- What’s better, Mac or PC?
- Installing a second Jacuzzi? Bad form?
- The best Rolling Stones album.
- Is Nicolas Cage all that talented?
- Is Kraft dinner and cut up hot dogs considered a good dinner?
- Let’s say you just won the lottery, but the only way that you could collect your winnings is by taking it off of the summit of Mount Everest. You have exactly one month to collect it. You can hire a professional mountain climber to get it for you, but he/she will collect 50 percent of it, and you will get the other half. Would you travel to Nepal and get the money yourself, knowing that you would almost certainly die in the process?
5. The pros and cons of moving to Tecumseh.
6. Take longer drives out to the country to get groceries.
7. Avoid downtown and everything about it for another year.
8. Tear down the Glengarry housing projects and build a brand-new City Hall complete with a blue glass and white steel exterior. The plan is to make every civic building eventually look like Superman’s dad’s house on Krypton.
9. Continue our lovely relationship with the Chrysler Corporation, and perhaps remember Chrysler’s birthday and our anniversary this year.
- Note to self: no bowling balls or perfume this year.
10. Build the new jail in the over populated farmer’s field that it was initially supposed to be in, and celebrate with wings and beer at Hooters. Then, declare Hooters a historic landmark, and a part of Windsor’s heritage.
Remember, you never read this, and you didn’t hear this from me. Happy New Year everyone, and thank you for putting up with me for this long : )
Tags: 
Post Feedback
Sarcasm is fun and at times even funny, but isn’t this blog supposed to be solutions based? I find blogs entries with tones such as this to be the same as all of the negative responses to the articles in the Windsor Star. It’s always easy to point out all of the faults and negative things about a person or situation, but to me that just shows ones insecurities. I find that this forum should be used to come up with ideas to change what is wrong, which is the reason for this website, or so I thought. I feel that we should focus our discussions on what we can do move our downtown in the right. What ever happened to the idea of standing up for what we as society want? Why not stage a rally at city hall to say that we won’t take this neglect of downtown any longer? An open forum such as this is great, but we must keep in mind that it is limited to those who frequent this website, not the general public. This is just a thought. I am by no means trying to call anyone out.
…should focus our discussions on what we can do to move our downtown in the right direction…
Resolutions from the Where blog
City stuff to consider in 2009 :
- Urban crises as a prelude to the whole-hog global meltdown
- The downfall of retail urbanism
- Cities as shock therapy
- A switch from the urban explosion of the last century to a wide range of urban implosions, shrinkages and infra-urbanizations
- Suburbia as wasteland and promised land
- Urban politics make a comeback
- Urban rite makes a comeback
- Shift from urban contemplation to urban action
- Small is beautiful, but only with a big mindset
- Think urban sub-unit
- The downfall of multiculty (diversity is recognized as vital yet inextricably conflictive)
- The city and the web come together
- Connected sprawl
- Urbanity detached from lifestyle
- Urbanity reattached to survival strategies
- Luxury deadspace
- Productive squatting
- Protomodernist revival
- The “developed world” dissolved
- “It’s a small world,” on crack
- Tercermundismo
- Technodisurbanism
- Technocumbia
http://thewhereblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/resolutions.html
Maybe Brendan was “waxing” as Chris did on Facebook, poetically or stating the obvious that resolution making is a farce at the best of times and not to be taken seriously. Alas, there doesn’t seem to be the resolve or the re-solution of this city’s government to get anything done or started that might offer an inkling of hope to it’s citizenry for this new year except the waste of streetscaping for the speeding exitors on their way to anywhere else.
It seems from our mayor on downward, everybody is waiting and holding their breathe that some money or any money will come to Windsor to bailout the descending 3’s spiral decline and hold on to our distinguish title as Automotive Capital of Canada.
This has been the auto-motive thinking of this city for almost a hundred years, it is time to redefine a new motive for this city.
Kevin,
Humour is the best medicine. In this city, everyone is so bloody serious all the time and I for one believe that we all need to lighten up a bit and use satire to explore further ideas and to make fun of ourselves for once.
I apologize that you didnt get my humour on this subject. I am making fun of the opinion pieces at the Windsor Star, I am making fun of the people who think the sky is falling, because paranoia is funny to me, and so are opinion pieces that bolster that paranoia.
In the above article, I am pointing out the negative aspects of Windsor, as if it were a person. That, my friend is called an allegory. I’ve done this before, look up “Windsor: A Psychological Profile” in which is psychoanalyse our city as if it were a person with a mental disorder.
Why do I talk about Windsor as if it were a person? Because Windsor is such an easy target. Why do I make fun of this city sometimes? I love ths city, thats why. I love it, but it makes me angry, with all of it’s terrible leadership, its bad weather, it’s car culture, it’s autoworkers who put themselves above everyone else, and it’s dim view of educated, and creative people. But those reasons are the same reasons I love this city, and without this climate, I doubt I would have ever been so motivated to write at all in the first place.
Kevin, I thank you for your readership, but please, lighten up. I am trying by writing about silly things sometimes to stretch my creative muscles, if you wish. I cannot write in the same style all the time, or even about the same thing without getting incredibly bored out of my skull. Also, it was the holiday season, and I was in a festive mood. Excuse me for being a bit on the bright side.
Kevin, laughter can be a solution, because it can create discussion.
Fear not, I will get back to writing about how the car culture has almost destroyed our creative class, and how this city treats people who commute by bicycle like a leper colony as soon as the clock strikes Monday.
Until then, please read this definition :
Sat-ire
-noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
I think the best study you missed was the study to study whether or not to actually approve the study.
This one will keep them busy for a decade just figuring it out.
Then of course there is the audit on the study that was or was not done.
Another revenue stream for the council pocketbook.
Since Eddie has finished negotiating with Red Bull(*gasp* please insert BIG pun here) and is just waiting to hear from them, does that mean he can create another study at the airport on whether or not they are coming?
Yep it is sarcasm.
Windsor can build. It just needs the appropriate atmosphere.
Haha, thank you so much : )
If we cant laugh at ourselves, how can we ever get anything done?
Satire! Wasn’t he a famous French philosoopher, who wrote a book called Being Nothing or something like that! And Scorn, isn’t that a famous Scottish tea cake! Sarcasm, I watched him in a movie, killing all kinds of Knights in the crusades!
Sarcasm also was the one who shot JR
And, oh how I love to dine on scorns whist drinking my favourite type of tea, apathy.
- Try to prevent the max exodus of citizens and businesses (including those that are just moving to Tecumseh)
- Educate the city on what’s really out there (local foods, local businesses, leisure activities, etc.)
- Teach us how to love ourselves (and that Windsor really doesn’t suck) so we can tell people that we live in a great city
- Listen to our citizens
- Preserve our history while planning a fruitful, green-inspired future
It’s a tough game, what we’re trying to do here in Windsor. I am sure most of you are on the same page as me - trying to keep up your optimism in spite of the obvious self-loathing that Windsor has for it’s own future.
While I try and find opportunity and hidden gems to write about, there are actual times when I consider abandoning our municipal ship as well. I was thinking of this as I almost got run down as I strolled across the driveway to a local Tim Hortons this morning. How is it that we plan on making any headway in a city where we don’t have any of the foundation laid for a progressive and walkable city? We see many communities out there that are laying the bricks of a sustainable future on top of the foundation they’ve been laying for decades, and we are having a rough time just digging the trench necessary for that foundation! We can’t even get white strips painted on a road without residents threatening lawsuits, for crissakes!!!!
Then, as I’m continuing my stroll downtown, I pass by Charles Clark Square and I see this older dude doing these amazing pirrouettes (sp?) on the ice. I’m sitting there watching him as he turns around and I recognise him as a good buddy of mine from my working days. We had a great catch-up together and each of us left a little happier than we arrived. This network of friends and activists that I’ve made over the past couple of decades would be near-impossible to replicate in a new city.
What I’m saying, I guess, is it would be unrealistic to expect everyone, including SD writers and commentors, to be positive all the time. Sarcasm can be a good way of releasing that negativity in a light-hearted way that drawns attention to negative aspects of our city without getting too nasty about them. I know I need it every now and then, and I’m sure I’m nothing special.
Ha! Ha! Chris I had a similar issue earlier this year (or was it last?). I asked the city to re-paint the crosswalks near my house because of so many pedestrians crossing the street to get to the riverfront parkland. I have seen too many cars ignore the stop sign and just drive threw the intersection. I thought that the lines being put back might help them see it.
I received a reply from admin at city hall that they did a traffic survey (I never saw anyone at anytime) and stated there wasn’t enough pedestrian traffic. The sad part was this was just before St. Clair took over the Cleary. There is now a parking lot designated for students only. How do they get to class? Fly?
You are right that our own apathy or lack of vision can burn a person out. I know I have come close to just leaving. Getting up and going elsewhere and telling the rest of Windsor and city hall with their me first, don’t care attitudes and little class to just shove it!
But then I take a deep breath and tell myself if I capitulate they win, Windsor loses. Afterall, Windsor is MY city and I will be damned if someone else tells me how it should be for their own personal gain.
Jokes are important to release that anger and to give the mind a break.
HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU GOONS ; )
threw = through…where is my mind?
I believe the use of humour can be a good way to help refocus on essential issues. If you really look at what Brendan wrote, you can see a listing of important things that will need attention in 09.
The danger from this kind of post comes when others “pile on”. As long as we avoid that I believe sarcasm can be refreshingly effective at directing our energies.
On a personal note: my New Year’s resolution is to be more engaged with Windsor issues and Scaledown in particular.
Thank you Dorian
The real object of satire is to instigate discussion with the use of humour rather than using a more confrontational writing style.
My point is that I love this city, however it frustrates me. It is a frustrating place to live at its worst. At best, it is an amazing place to live because it is so wide open. I think most people here realise that what we discuss on a regular basis is on the very vanguard of civic discussion in this city, and I think that is exciting.
People have a knee jerk reaction to articles like the one I wrote a few days ago because they are so used to people “dissing” Windsor. I am not dissing. One of the best things about the people in this city is that even in our darkest times, we find a way to laugh. People in this city are not all cloudy days and sadness - far from it, we are a people who like to have a good time and laugh with each other, even when the rest of the country has given up on us. We are still here.
(now on an even more serious note)
In the year ahead I will be even more dedicated to SD and to the city as I truly believe we are on the brink of something good and positive. 2009 will be a pivotal year, my friends, and I am privelaged to be a part of the change, and for that I thank you all for having me.
Not too sure if I remember anyone talking about the Transition Town concept, but it is definitely growing and seems to fit in prefectly with scaledown’s focus and mission.
It focuses on relocalisation, a term that will become more and more popular over the next few years. Here are a couple of websites that actually explain it very well:
http://www.appropedia.org/The_Transition_Handbook_-_free_edit_version
http://transitionculture.org/
I love the transition town concept. I guess the only problem I have with it is their use of the term “Peak Oil“, as it has been marginalized to the point that anyone who uses it is looked at like an “End Of Times” wack-job.
I do, however, agree with what transition towns are trying to accomplish, whether I agree with the vernacular or not. It is a pretty lengthy process to get “officially” listed as a transition town, but I think “Transition Town - Windsor” has a nice ring to it.
Totally agree with the whole peak oil stigma attached to it. That is why I actually like the term “relocalization” much better. A sort of reclaiming of the local in life if you will. Something I believe the Windsor region has the potential given the many assets it possesses.
Here is a good link: http://www.relocalizations.net/
Transition Town - Windsor does indeed have a good ring to it!